Why Twin Moms Give the Best Baby Sleep Advice
Scenario: A desperate mom posts in a Facebook group looking for baby sleep help.
Did you just get a little uncomfortable?
If you did it’s because you know what comes next. An onslaught of differing opinions, cheap “this is what worked for my baby” advice, and maybe even some shaming and arguing.
But there’s an amazing place where that same scenario gets a very different type of response.
It’s a “Moms of Multiples” Facebook group.
Since I became a twin mom almost 18 months ago and joined one of these such groups, I am always amazed (and encouraged) by how differently these baby sleep types of posts are received.
The responses are simply, more helpful.
Nobody gives practical baby sleep advice like a mom of multiples.
She comes from a different place, the Twilight Zone of twin sleep, where the stakes are twice as high.
There’s no room for shaming here, this is about survival.
I was a singleton mom before I was a twin mom and I wish I’d handled my first son’s sleep the same way I handled it with our twins! I don’t even want to think about the hundreds of hours of sleep I lost out on.
Now, as a sleep consultant, I give the same practical advice to moms of singletons as I do to moms of twins! For those who are asking me for it, of course.
Because who doesn’t want more sleep as a parent? No matter how many kids you have!
When it comes to baby sleep, I believe that just because you can doesn’t mean you have to.
I have a lot of moms coming to me for help with their toddler because baby #2 is on the way and they know their current sleep habits will not be sustainable once there’s a new baby to care for.
Twin moms have that perspective from day one, therefore we tend to approach sleep differently.
Without further ado, here is my best, no-nonsense, this-is-about-survival, practical baby sleep advice from a twin mom, mom of three, and certified sleep consultant who has been in the sleep deprived trenches.
Get your partner involved.
I don’t care if we’re talking about one baby, multiples or children of various ages, nighttime parenting is not a one-person job. They have to work the next day and you stay home? Childcare is hard work too. You both deserve rest at night so that you can tackle your days. They can’t breastfeed but they can handle night wakings, bring the baby to you, change diapers, make bottles, allow you to sleep in, and give you a chance to nap whenever possible. Find ways for them to help and require it. And if they truly can’t help overnight due to the nature of their job, then together you should come up with a plan involving extended family members or hiring a postpartum doula or some other type of help so that you have opportunities to catch up on sleep. The main point: Don’t be a martyr.
Have a postpartum plan for baby sleep.
This might seem obvious, but many first-time parents don’t really think about how they’re going to handle sleep (I know I didn’t!). They think it will just happen on its own. Do your research and have a conversation with your partner about what your sleep philosophy is going to be. This way you can start how you want to finish. For example, if you want your child to end up sleeping independently in their own room, then don’t start out bedsharing. Oftentimes, new parents get so caught up in survival mode that they make decisions that don’t support their goals or values. By being intentional from the very start, you can avoid that “how did we get here?” moment. Remember, you are the one who will teach your child everything they know about sleep!
Encourage good sleep habits,
There’s not a whole lot you can do in those first six weeks other than learning the best ways to soothe your baby and accepting lots of help. But did you know that as early as six weeks old, baby can start to pick up on a bedtime routine? It’s true! Start a calming bedtime routine early on. Avoid overtiredness with an age-appropriate schedule for naps and bedtime. Pptimize the sleep environment (super dark with white noise). Follow an Eat-Play-Sleep routine so that baby learns to fall asleep without being fed to sleep. When baby is old enough (I recommend 6 months), teach independent sleep skills. Hint: sleep training is much less of a “thing” if you start with this end goal in mind! But it’s never too late to teach your baby how to sleep without your constant support. If you’re exhausted, so are they.
Rethink your space.
The AAP recommends room sharing with your baby for the first 6 months. This means baby sleeping next to your bed, not in your bed. But they never said where “your bed” has to be. My twins have never slept a single wink in our bedroom. Instead, we put a daybed in the nursery and took turns sleeping in it. And when it was time, we moved out. Their sleep environment never changed. Well, that’s not entirely true. For our girl twin, her sleep environment did change when we moved them out of bassinets and into cribs. Our boy twin is LOUD and the more sensitive sleeper. It just made sense to separate them, so we moved her crib into big brother’s room! There’s nothing wrong with having your twins share a room. This can absolutely be done successfully. I’m just saying, think outside of the box and do what works for you. If you’re room sharing with your older baby or toddler because there’s nowhere else to put them, get creative! Or maybe you’re the one who needs to move out of the room?! Remember, this is about survival. Your sleep spaces don’t need to be Pinterest-perfect.
Practice lots of grace and acceptance.
Whether you’re a mom of multiples or not, there are doing to be days in those early years of parenthood where sleep deprivation gets the best of you. No matter how much you set yourself and baby up for sleep success, none of us can entirely avoid those impossibly hard nights. Whether it’s teething, illness, developmental regressions or just random bad luck. Cut yourself some slack, do the bare minimum, and know that you will get through it. Accept that your child is a tiny human and not a robot, which means sleep will never be entirely predictable or perfect.
There you have it. I you want practical advice about your child’s sleep, ask a twin mom! We don’t have the time or energy for judging and shaming, we’re all about solutions!