What To Do When Your Toddler Refuses To Nap
Nobody is safe from toddler nap refusals. They will find you, sometime between the age of one and two, and you’ll want to be ready. Nap strikes even take place in the homes of sleep consultants, like me.
Yesterday, my 20-month-old daughter (classically, the better sleeper of my twin set), had an epic nap refusal. It was day two of our new nanny being here, but I was the one who put her down for nap. We did our usual routine at our usual time. I put her in her crib awake and left the room, like I always do, except on this day she was not having it.
I was at my laptop listening to her screaming and thinking about how I’d told our new nanny during her interview that they both napped like a dream. Had I jinxed myself?! Then I heard a THUD. So, of course, I went up to her room to make sure everything was okay. (We don’t use video monitors).
All four of her stuffed animals had been tossed out of her crib. The sound I’d heard was one of them that is weighted with beans or something. Even more surprising, her sleep sack was thrown out of the crib too! As far as I knew, she’d never even attempted to take it off before! This behavior really had seemingly come out of nowhere!
I put her sleep sack back on, backwards this time, and handed her back one of her stuffed animals. After a few cuddles, I put her back into her crib and left again. She was still yelling for me, though not as intensely. Finally, my nanny suggested that she give it a try. I agreed. She went into her room, said “it’s time for sleep darling” ( I love that she calls her darling) and hilariously, my daughter scowled, turned her back to her and went to sleep. HA!
Here’s how I’m handling it.
#1 I’m not panicking.
This is normal toddler behavior. I think about what’s been going on with her. She is saying tons of new words every day, more rapidly than her twin brother. A new caregiver was just introduced into her life after more than a year with the same person. And, like all kiddos at this age, she’s starting to test boundaries and assert her independence. Honestly, you just need to choose curiosity and amusement over stress in these situations.
#2 I’m reassessing her schedule.
For several months, she’s been waking up around 7:00am and going down for her nap at 11:30am. That worked well for a long time. Recently, we’ve been pushing nap later to noon, which is usually what I suggest for this age anyways (5 hours from waking for the day until nap). But I’m realizing that she’s also been staying up later now that it’s summertime and sleeping in a little later too. What once was a 7:30pm-7:00am schedule is now 8:00pm-7:30am. So, 12:30pm might actually be a more appropriate nap time for her now. I’m going to give this schedule adjustment several days to see if it helps! When’s the last time you reassessed your little one’s schedule? It’s probably time to make some adjustments!
#3 I’m staying consistent.
She’s not even two years old yet so I know that she needs the nap. If she was over 2 1/2 years old, I would consider that she may be ready to drop the nap, but first, I would wait it out for a couple weeks to see if it rebounds. Since I know she still needs to nap, we will continue to offer it! My professional experience reassures me that this is just a phase. I worked with a 16-month-old once who refused his nap for two straight weeks. His bedtimes and nights were beautiful!! But he just would not nap, and of course, we were troubleshooting along the way. Nothing made a difference. Then one day, he decided to take his nap, and he’s been napping ever since. (If you’ve ever wondered why my toddler coaching packages are 3 weeks and my baby packages are 2 weeks, it’s because of naps!)
#4 I’m Running Quality Control on Awake Time and Routines
Whether or not your toddler takes their nap or not is out of your control. All you can do is continue to offer it. But there are plenty of things that are in your control, like how your little one spends their awake time. Is your toddler getting enough physical activity during the morning? Are they getting outside? When they’re babies, we tend to just focus on the length of the wake windows. When they’re toddlers, the focus isn’t just on quantity of time awake but also the quality of that time. Simply put, you need to wear them out!
In addition, you may want to check on the timing of lunch if naps are becoming a struggle. It can be helpful to offer lunch immediately before nap. Meaning, you head right into the nap routine as soon as lunch is over, before they catch their second wind. You can clean up the kitchen once they’re asleep, mama!
And speaking of the naptime routine, it’s easy to get lazy with it, especially when naps are going well. I think this is the area I am going to focus on for my own personal situation with my daughter as everything else I mentioned above checks out. It’s worth really taking the time for a solid nap routine to help them shift from “play and explore” mode to “rest and digest” mode. Typically, I usually suggest a simple 5-minute nap routine. But a nap striking toddler may need 10-15 minutes to wind down. Put the time in and you’ll get it back when they’re sleeping!
I hope these tips helped you feel more confident in handling your own toddler’s nap refusals! Just know, it happens to sleep consultants too. You can do this!