Three Steps to Sleeping Through the Night
What do I have to do to get my baby to sleep through the night?!
If there’s one question on every exhausted parent’s mind, that’s likely it! Well, you came to the right blog post because I’m going to tell you how in three simple steps. I hope I don’t put myself out of a job!
But first, I think it’s important to clarify what “through the night” means. To some, it means 6-8 consecutive hours. To others it means 7pm to 7am. When I say it, I mean 11-12 hours of consecutive sleep which may include a night feed depending on the age of the child. If your younger baby takes a feed at night and goes right back to sleep - that still counts! When I work with 5 and 6-month-old’s, I teach parents how to keep a night feed while teaching independent sleep skills.
Now that we’ve cleared that up, let’s get to the good stuff!
Step #1 - A Schedule That Makes Sense
When it comes to good nighttime sleep, it actually starts long before bedtime! You need a schedule that makes sense. What makes a schedule make sense? So glad you asked.
For starters, a consistent wake time for the day. For most children, this naturally falls somewhere between 6:00-7:00a.m., a little later if you’re lucky! Next, you want to have age-appropriate wake windows. A wake window is simply the time between periods of sleep.
Wake Windows by Age:
Birth to 8 weeks: 45-60 minutes
8-12 weeks: 60-90 minutes
12-16 weeks: 1.5 to 1.75 hours
4 to 6 months: 2 to 2.5 hours
6 to 9 months: 2.5 to 3 hours
9 to 12 months: 3 to 4 hours
12 months to 18 months: 3.5 to 5.5 hours
18 months to 2 years: 5-6 hours
2+ years: 6+ hours
By keeping an eye on wake windows, you can optimize sleep pressure for a good night of sleep. Sleep pressure is what helps your child to feel sleepy and fall asleep easily. Just the right amount of it at bedtime, and you’re in for a good night. You don’t want too much or too little, it’s all about finding that sweet spot!
I recommend following wake windows up until your baby is on two naps a day, at which point you can put them on a “set” or a clock-based schedule. This usually happens sometime between 6-7 months and is a welcome change for parents because it allows you to have some more predictability to your days. In some cases, I have found that putting younger babies (5-6 months) on set 3-nap schedule can be helpful. But for sure, in the first 20 weeks of your child’s life, you’ll be following wake windows all day long until it’s time for bed!
Step #2 - Routines That Work
Routines are also incredibly beneficial to have in place. Babies and toddlers thrive on them (and I think mamas do too).
The earliest routine I recommend is an Eat-Play-Sleep routine. This is simply a way of organizing your child’s naps and feedings throughout the day. It means that you feed baby upon waking for the day, then you have “play” time, and at the end of baby’s wake window, you put them down for their nap. Upon waking, you feed them again, play time, and down for another nap. You continue like this all day until bedtime. This is the one exception to the routine, when you will give baby their bedtime feed right before putting them down for the night.
Here’s why I love an Eat-Play-Sleep routine…
First, it promotes full feedings because baby is awake and rested during their feeds instead of being drowsy and falling asleep at the breast or bottle. Full feeds lead to full naps! Second, it helps to ensure that baby doesn’t develop a “feed to sleep” association which can be extremely hard to break. When your baby knows how to fall asleep without being fed, it means that you, mama, can have a little bit of freedom to allow someone else to put them to sleep.
Of course, there’s nothing wrong with feeding or nursing your child to sleep. But as a sleep consultant, I’ve seen all the problems it can lead to down the road when baby knows no other way to get back to sleep and mom feels like she’s painted herself into a corner.
You can start Eat-Play-Sleep from the day you bring baby home! And don’t worry if your newborn sometimes falls asleep while feeding, that will be almost impossible to avoid and that’s okay! As long as they’re falling asleep without being fed sometimes as well. It will get easier to follow this routine as they get a little bit older. Just do your best!
The next most important routine is a bedtime routine! Most parents don’t realize that they can start this with their child as early as six weeks old and baby will start to pick up on it! After a couple weeks with a consistent (and well-timed) bedtime routine, you’ll be amazed at how well baby goes down!
Your bedtime routine should be about 20-30 minutes long. I recommend the following routine for babies under 12 months old:
Bath
Diaper/Lotion/Pajamas
Feed (bottle or nurse)
Sleep Sack
Book and/or Song
Lights out and white noise machine on
In Crib
When it comes to toddlers, I recommend a slightly different bedtime routine:
Bath (if it’s a bath night)
Go Potty, Diaper, Brush Teeth
Pajamas
1:1 Playtime
Book
Lights out
In Bed
It’s also helpful to have a very brief naptime routine to help them transition from their day into sleepy time!
Step #3 - Remove Sleep Props
This is the most crucial step. I talk to a lot of parents who have done their research. Their schedule is perfect and age appropriate, they have predictable routines, and the sleep environment is primed (dark, white noise, 68-72 degrees). But it’s this last step that they get stuck on and it’s no wonder why - it’s the hardest one!
A sleep prop is anything your little one uses to help them fall asleep that they cannot provide for themselves. The most common ones I see are nursing or feeding to sleep, rocking, bouncing, or a parenting lying next to them.
Technically, sleep props aren’t a bad thing! In fact, we all have them. Those things that help us to fall asleep or get back to sleep. When it comes to teaching independent sleep skills, we want to remove the external sleep props which are the ones that involve a parent.
A pacifier, for example, can be a positive sleep prop if baby uses it to fall asleep but does not require your help to reinsert it throughout the night. However, if you are having to go back into their room to give them back their pacifier throughout the night - that’s when it becomes a “negative” sleep prop. White noise machines, for another example, are positive sleep props because they support good sleep, we can turn them on once and they stay on for the whole night!
Here is the main thing you need to understand: Whatever your child uses to fall asleep initially at bedtime is what your child will be looking for when they wake up throughout the night. And they will wake up throughout the night. That is normal and adults do it too! The goal is for them to be able to peacefully drift back to sleep without needing your assistance.
In order to do this, your child needs to develop independent sleep skills. Once they learn that they can be in charge of their own sleep, they will be delighted to sleep the whole night through and wake up feeling rested!
So how do you remove sleep props? By sleep training! It’s not enough to just remove the prop, you need to replace it with independent sleep skills. That’s what I help families with every day.
I teach two different methods; Stay-in-the-Room (also known as the Chair method or the “Sleep Lady Shuffle”) and Leave & Check (also known as the Ferber method or “supported crying”). The method I recommend depends on a child’s age, temperament, and parent’s preference.
These methods aren’t a secret. In fact, did you know there are only 5 sleep training methods out there? The other ones are:
There’s Exctinction or what most people refer to as “cry it out”. This isn’t one of the methods I use because there’s nothing to teach. I also don’t judge parents who do use it. It’s safe and effective.
Pick up/Put down is a method that is often misused. It is intended for very young babies, but people will often try to use it with older babies or even toddlers without success because it’s way too stimulating.
Fading or a “no cry” method. Of course, this sounds appealing, but if there was an effective way to teach independent sleep without tears, we’d all be doing it! The problem is that it isn’t effective and/or it will take several weeks if not months to see progress. The parents I talk to don’t have that kind of time. They’re at the end of their rope.
So, there you have it!
Now you know how to get your child sleeping through the night! So why would anyone hire me now that I’ve given it all away?
As you might suspect, baby and toddler sleep is full of nuance. I help parents sleep train by creating a personalized sleep plan just for their unique child and situation. Even within the methods I teach, there is plenty of room for customization.
As a certified sleep consultant, I have heavily invested into my training and continuing education. I am not self-taught, though I do have three little case studies of my own including twins! And they definitely help to round out my expertise by giving me that first-hand experience.
I have helped hundreds of families to regain their sleep and their sanity. I draw on my training and experience to help you succeed, no matter what bumps we encounter along the way.
I also provide accountability and support - these are gamechangers when you’re tackling something like sleep training. You’re already exhausted and bleary eyed, perhaps feeling a bit anxious and depressed. Making changes to your child’s sleep habits is hard. Even when you know it’s necessary and will lead to such positive results. Having someone in your corner to cheer you on makes all the difference!
So yes, of course, you CAN sleep train on your own! But you can also ask for help, making it much more likely that you’ll get the good sleep you so desperately want for you and your child. It’s such an honor for me when parents trust me with their family’s sleep!
Book a free sleep chat with me and let’s get your child sleeping through the night!