Night Weaning and Sleep Training: Which Comes First?

Night weaning and sleep training, while often interrelated, are two different things.

They can go hand in hand. That’s what happens when teaching independent sleep skills naturally leads to baby dropping some or all of their night feeds on their own – because they’re busy sleeping!

I teach parents how to put their baby down at bedtime awake, to fall asleep on their own! Without feeding them to sleep (or rocking, bouncing, holding…) and then we let the baby lead the way.

Depending on baby’s age, they may still need a night feed or even two. And I’ve never met a mother who was unwilling to offer that!

It’s not that moms don’t want to feed their baby when they’re hungry, they just want consolidated sleep for themselves and their little one. And that can’t happen when you’re nursing them back to sleep every 1-2 hours all night long.

So, that’s the first thing to establish:

You can absolutely sleep train your baby while keeping night feeds.

The process of sleep training naturally leads to partial if not complete night weaning, because you’re feeding your baby when they’re hungry, not as a means to get them back to sleep after each and every sleep cycle. This leads to less wakings and therefore less feedings overnight.

Will baby always drop the last night feed on their own?

Some will - and some are going to need a little nudge from you! Each baby is so unique! Most of the time I find that parents are more than happy to keep a night feed up until about 8 or 9 months. And then if baby hasn’t dropped it on their own, they ask me, “okay, how do I get rid of this feeding?!”

And here’s what I tell them:

1. Make sure baby is falling asleep independently at bedtime, which means going into their crib wide awake, not drowsy. That way you know they can do it throughout the night.

2. Don’t assume they’re waking out of hunger, it could very well be a habit at this point. Offer other ways of soothing first. If mom is nursing, send dad in to comfort.

3. Don’t respond to fussing or very low level crying. Give baby some space to resettle on their own.

4. Hold baby to their “personal best”. So, once you know they can go until 4am before needing a feed, don’t offer one before then.

5. The last feeding to hang around is usually the early morning one. I encourage parents not to feed baby in the hour before their desired wake time (usually the 5 o’clock hour).

6. If you’ve done everything mentioned here and baby still hasn’t dropped the last night feed on their own, you can “train” it away, which may mean a tough waking for a night or two but then it’s over with!

That’s how interconnected sleep training and night weaning are. One usually leads to the other.

Night weaning is often a part of sleep training and sleep training is often a part of night weaning.

But it doesn’t always happen in the same order or simultaneously.

When does night weaning come before sleep training?

There are a few scenarios when I suggest night weaning before sleep training:

1. When your little one is reverse cycling and getting more calories at night than during the day.

2. When the nurse-to-sleep association is very strong, meaning baby has never fallen asleep in any other way.

3. When a toddler is still nursing to sleep at bedtime and throughout the night (extended breastfeeding).

I’ll talk a little bit about how to handle each of these scenarios…

For reverse cycling, I suggest that families do a “wean down” process first, before starting sleep training. No one wants to worry that their child is hungry when teaching independent sleep skills.

This looks like gradually reducing the length of feeds (if nursing) or the number of ounces being given in order to shift more calories into the daytime. Then, once the child is eating more during the day, we can start to drop night feeds all together.

The feed-to-sleep association is the hardest one to break. For this reason, after a wean-down process and depending on the comfort level of the parents, I will often suggest that they continue to help their child to sleep in other ways like rocking, back rubbing, butt patting, etc. Just as long as they are no longer feeding them to sleep.

They will do this for a period of time until baby has adjusted to no longer being fed to sleep and the parents feel ready to remove the rest of their sleep props (the rocking, bouncing, etc)

This is sort of like “pre-sleep training” for families who want a more gradual approach.

Is gradual the same thing as gentle?

That depends on your definition of “gentle”. Just because you approach removing sleep props gradually, as opposed to removing them all at once, does not mean that your child isn’t going to cry. There will almost certainly be some crying but that is not the same as “cry it out” which is extinction aka not responding.

To me, “gentle” means that you are responding to your child, you could even be holding them!

But if they’re not getting the response they want (being nursed or fed) then they are most likely going to cry tears of frustration. And you will support them through that. It will be a hard couple of nights and then it's over!

To other people, “gentle” might mean no tears at all. In my opinion, that is unrealistic (if the goal is to create positive change).

How is night weaning different with extended breastfeeding?

When it comes to night weaning toddlers, it can get pretty emotional! The breastfeeding relationship has been going on for well over a year, so ending it is going to be a process, not a one- or two-night event.

And let me be clear: I don’t believe you need to stop nursing at night just because your child is a certain age. That decision is entirely up to you.

But at some point, the moms I talk to decide that they are ready to be done and finally sleep through the night again. This doesn’t mean they aren’t emotional about it, they just reach a point where they are ready to stop.

Sometimes the toddler is ready before mom is and they wean on their own. Sometimes it’s the other way around. Since breastfeeding is a two-way relationship, if one person in the relationship is ready to be done – that is important, no matter which one it is.

In these cases, I strongly recommend night weaning come before sleep training. Trying to make both of these huge changes at once is going to lead to a very overwhelmed toddler and an incredibly stressful experience for both of you. Not good.

Night weaning is actually a form of sleep training, if you define sleep training as changing your child’s sleep habits and the way you put them to sleep.

It’s a step in the direction of teaching completely independent sleep skills.

My tips for night weaning a toddler:

1. Communicate this change to them in a way they can understand. This may sound like, “you’re going to have mommy’s milk for a bit and then I’ll rock you to sleep. No more mommy milk until morning,” You can even start to add more steps between nursing and rocking such as reading a book or some calm play time. Do this until eventually nursing is at the very beginning of the bedtime routine, maybe even taking place outside of their room. These further separates nursing from falling asleep and loosens the nurse-to-sleep association.

2. Have Dad Lead the Way. If this is possible, I always recommend it! Your toddler innately understands that nursing to sleep is not an option. They may get more upset initially, but they will adjust more quickly. When this is an option, I tell mom to get out of the house! Go for a walk and let dad handle it. If your toddler knows you’re lurking just around the corner, they will only get more upset.

3. Be patient and don’t give in to the temptation to forego the routine just because it doesn’t go well the first few nights - consistency is key with this age group! They are going to push their limits when you set a boundary, that’s what toddlers do.

4. Offer water in a sippy cup after the bedtime nursing session and then throughout the night when nursing is no longer being offered. Better yet, send dad in. They simply don’t have the equipment, so yout toddler innately understands that nursing isn’t an option.

5. Offer light, rhymic touch while your child lays in their bed. Just the fact that they are no longer falling asleep in your arms and being transferred into their bed is a huge step in the right direction. Celebrate this win!

To wrap up this post, I think it’s really important to emphasize that I am a SLEEP consultant and that is where my expertise lies. My advice on night weaning is limited to my scope of sleep and how the two relate. Please seek out additional resources (lactation consultants) if you are struggling in the area of night weaning.