What does “sleeping through the night”’ even mean?

“Are they sleeping through the night yet?”

How many times were you asked this maddening question as a new mom?

The pressure.

It can make a parent wonder, “Not yet, should they be?”

And also, the ambiguity.

“I’m not sure, depends on what you mean by that…”

In this post, I’m going to shed some light on this “holy grail” of baby sleep by giving you my definition, educating you on when it’s reasonable to expect your baby to reach it, and empowering you with tips for getting there faster…if that’s your goal.

When I say sleeping through the night, I mean that a child wakes up for the day 11-12 hours after going to bed, having settled themselves back to sleep throughout the night, with no more than one night feed after which they easily went back to sleep.

Let’s break it down by age:

Newborns (0-12 weeks):

Sleeping through the night is not a reasonable goal for a newborn. It is nutritionally necessary for a baby at this age to wake multiple times throughout the night for a feed, usually every 2-4 hours.

3-6 months:

This is when nighttime sleep begins to consolidate. Keyword: begins. You can start to expect a longer stretch of sleep, possibly 5-6 hours, in the first half of the night, with 1-2 feedings needed in the second half of the night.

Many moms define “through the night” as getting that 5-6 hour stretch. This is why it’s so important to not compare when you hear someone else, with a similar age baby, saying that they slept through the night. If you know them well enough, clarify what they mean. Or better yet, focus on yourself and your unqiue baby and don’t worry about what anyone else’s baby is doing or how they’re defining it.

6-9 months:

At this stage, I like to see baby down to only one feed during an 11-12 hour night. If your baby is taking one feed overnight and easily resettling back to sleep until morning, you are doing great. That works for a lot of families and that’s all that matters!

In my opinion, this “counts” as sleeping through the night, if you’re super concerned about being able to make that claim.

But sometimes, they don’t go back down so easily after a feed, and they may even start waking more frequently. This is when I usually hear from parents, asking for help. It’s an ideal age to teach independent sleep skills and as I like to say, “let baby lead the way” on whether or not they need a night feed.

Many babies will choose to drop night feeds on their own once they know how to link their sleep cycles without using a feeding as a “sleep prop”. Other babies will still legitimately need one night feed, especially breastfed babies, even after learning how to fall asleep independently. In my experience, it’s about 50/50.

9-12 months:

If baby is still taking one night feed, it’s most likely more of a habit than a nutritional need. I find that as the one-year mark approaches, a lot of parents are ready to sleep all the way through the night again without getting up for a feed. And unless it is advised against by your pediatrician for some reason, it is completely safe to drop all night feeds at this point.

The best way to go about this is to simply reduce the length (if breastfeeding) or the # of ounces (if bottle feeding) by 2 minutes or 2 ounces every night for 3-5 nights, depending on how full of a feed it was, and then after that wean-down process, stop offering it all together. Baby will adjust quickly and shift those calories into the daytime where you want them!

12+ months:

At one year old, your child is absolutely capable of sleeping 11-12 hours without any feeding. This is also when I advise removing the bedtime feed, a suggestion that can cause parents to panic as they have become so used to the idea of “topping off” their child right before bed so that they will sleep as long as possible.

I’m not saying you have to make the change on their first birthday, but for sure move the feed to the beginning of their bedtime routine. Then work towards dropping the bedtime feed completely by about 15 months of age. Your child should be getting plenty of calories with meals and snacks throughout the day. Enough to carry them all the way through the night!

The goal of sleep training isn’t for your baby not to wake at night - that would not be possible! We all come to the surface of sleep several times throughout the night.

Your child will sleep through the night when they have developed the skill of being able to link their sleep cycles and settle themselves back to sleep without your help.

Now that we have definitions and expectations out of the way, let’s talk about what, if anything, you can do to encourage your baby to sleep through the night sooner.

DO:

Set your baby up for success with an Eat-Play-Sleep routine from the very beginning. This is simply a way of organizing your baby’s feedings and naps throughout the day where you feed them upon waking for the day, then you have your awake/play time, followed by putting them down for a nap. Repeat the cycle all day long, except for bedtime where you will offer a final feed before putting them to bed. The benefit? Your baby doesn’t associate being fed with falling asleep and will take more full feeds because they are wide awake for them, instead of getting drowsy and falling asleep while feeding.

Optimize the sleep environment by keeping it as dark as possible with white noise. After the 4-month regression (actually a progression when baby develops adult sleep cycles) your child will spend more time in light sleep. Reduce wakings by having an environment that is conducive to good sleep! Pro tip: Window covers keep light out far better than black out shades will!

Avoid Reverse Cycling. This is when your baby takes in more calories during the night than they do during the day. To avoid this, find other ways to get them to fall asleep other than feeding such as rocking to sleep. If breastfeeding, send dad in if it’s not time for a feed.

Move baby into their own room by 6 months of age, if you feel comfortable doing so. Studies show that this will increase baby’s ability to self soothe by 12 months of age, simply because you are not so aware of every little noise they make and therefore won’t respond when it’s not necessary. Likewise, baby is very aware of your presence when you’re in the same room past the newborn stage, which can lead to more frequent wakings.

Pause for a few minutes before responding to night wakings. Babies often have “partial arousals” and when overly anxious parents respond immediately to every noise and movement, it gets in the way of baby learning to resettle on their own. The same study linked above shows that delaying nighttime responses by just 3 minutes increases baby’s ability to self soothe by 12 months of age.

DON'T:

Keep your baby awake all day, hoping they will sleep better at night. Remember these three words: sleep begets sleep. An overtired baby is even harder to settle at bedtime and will wake frequently throughout the night as well as early the next morning. You can blame it on stress hormones that are triggered when they become overtired.

Don’t bedshare if 11-12 hours of independent sleep is your end goal. It’s always easier to start out how you want to finish, rather than to have to get out of a situation that you never intended to be in.

Don’t wait to start a bedtime routine with your baby. As early as 6 weeks of age, your little one can start to pick up on the steps of a routine. I recommend something like this: bath, diaper, lotion massage, PJ’s, sleep sack, feed, book and/or song, into crib This simple routine will help your baby differentiate between daytime and nighttime sleep.

Don’t let your baby’s last nap go too late into the evening. Giving them an age- appropriate wake-window before bedtime will help to build up the sleep pressure needed to consolidate their nighttime sleep. Generally speaking, the last wake window of the day will be the longest one.

3-4 months - 2 hours

5-7 months - 2.5-3 hours

8-14 months - 3.5-4 hours

It’s not a race to get your baby to sleep through the night. Some will do it on their own very early on and others will take longer. Your child is a unique individual and you are a unique mother! You don’t have to night wean at 6 months if you don’t want to! But you also don’t have to offer a night feed for the whole first year if you don’t want to!

If you’re ready for uninterrupted 11-12 hour nights, and your baby is at an age where it’s reasonable to expect this, then book a free sleep chat and let’s talk! I can provide you with a step-by-step personalized plan and support to get your sleeping through the night within two weeks!