The Great Controversy: Should You Secure Your Toddlers Door?
Earlier this week, I received the message below. Note: this is not a client who I have worked with one-on-one for sleep coaching.
Hey Stephanie,
We’re running into the issue of our 2-year-old opening his door after bedtime. I know, I know, he’s young to be in a bed but he’s been on a floor bed since he was 9 months old and don’t think we would go back to a crib now. I did a lot of reading and it’s quite controversial locking the door, I was wondering what your thoughts on this were.
Thanks!
“Is this topic controversial? “, I wondered. A quick Google search told me that yes, yes, it is. But it need not be. Let’s talk about it.
First, we need to address the phrase “locking the door”. When you initially hear it, it feels wrong. Your mind goes to some basement dungeon bedroom with a chain lock on the outside of the door.
But it’s time to turn off Dateline or that true crime podcast and realize that’s not what we’re talking about here. We are talking about responsible, caring parents and well-loved, securely attached children in a loving home.
Going forward, I’m going to use the term “secure” instead of lock.
So, should you or should you not secure the door of your child’s room?
As with all sleep advice, the initial answer is, “it depends”. The mom asking this question has a toddler (just turned 2) in a bed, not a crib.
Okay, so we’ve got a young toddler, and he keeps getting out of bed and leaving his room. Should his parents secure the door?
ABSOLUTELY THEY SHOULD!!
Hear me out…
When I say “secure the door” I am talking about installing something to make it so that a child cannot leave the room on their own, without a parent doing something. In the same way that a child in a crib is not able to get out of their bed without a parent coming to lift them out.
Options for securing the door include a doorknob cover, a door monkey/door buddy, or possibly a gate.
Personally, I’m a fan of the door monkey/door buddy (different brand names). These contraptions allow your child to open their door a crack (they like that) but they can’t get out.
A gate seems like a good idea, but in my experience, this will largely depend on the temperament of your child. They are either born to be a biter/hitter/climber or they aren’t. It’s in their nature. So, if you know that your child will just scale that gate, don’t even bother.
Reason #1 for Securing the Door: It’s Age-Appropriate
There’s a reason I advocate for children to be in a crib until the age of three. Before then, they are simply not able to understand the freedom of an open bed, much less an open room.
I understand that floor beds are very trendy these days and I’ve worked with many families who use them for their young toddlers. While it’s not the choice I make for my own family (my 2-year-olds are still in cribs for the foreseeable future), I support these families in their own choices. But I do advise them to secure the door. The entire room is now the child’s crib. They still have a limit, a visible boundary.
A 2-year-old simply should not have access to the entire house. That amount of autonomy is just not age appropriate yet. It may not be appropriate for a 3-year-old either. You must make that decision as a parent knowing your unique child, but I feel comfortable making the blanket statement that all 2-year-olds should have their door secured.
This doesn’t mean you won’t respond to them at night when they need you. It simply means that you will go to them, instead of them coming to you. You would communicate it that way to your toddler.
Reason #2: In Case of Emergency
This goes back to age-appropriateness but now we’re talking about the child’s safety when it comes to simple mischief or emergency situations.
As with biting/hitting/climbing, some children are naturally more mischievous than others. If you know this is your child, keeping them secure in their child-proofed room at night just makes sense.
There’s also the issue of fire safety. Most people know that closing bedroom doors while sleeping can be a life-saving measure in case of a fire. But what about securing the door so that a toddler cannot open it themselves? In the case of a fire, this may initially seem like a bad idea. You want them to be able to escape if they need to, right? Seems logical.
To answer this question, I talked to a firefighter! One of my friends happens to be married to a member of the Mankato Fire Department. Not only did I ask him, but he took the question to his fellow firefighters as well. Here’s what they said…
This is because a toddler wouldn’t know what to do in case of an emergency anyways! In fact, their reaction could be to hide in some unknown place, making it difficult to find them and leading to an outcome that none of us want to think about.
So, ask yourself, is my child old enough to know what to do in case of a fire/emergency? If not. Secure their door. That way, you, or an emergency responder, is able to quickly locate them and bring them to safety.
Securing the door is NOT sleep training!
It’s important to clarify that securing your child’s door is not a sleep training method. If your child is constantly leaving their room at night, the answer is not to simply secure their door. You need to get to the root cause of the problem first.
The most common sleep prop for a toddler is a parent in their room while they go to sleep, whether that’s lying next to them in their bed or sitting/lying on the floor next to their bed. And so, it makes sense that the child will go looking for their parent when they come to the surface of sleep throughout the night.
By teaching your toddler independent sleep skills, you help them feel confident and secure without your constant support. This is a gradual process that involves clear and consistent communication, boundary setting and visual cues such as a toddler sleep training clock. Combined with sleep training, a secured door is simply a reminder for your child of what the limits are.
There’s absolutely nothing “traumatizing” about it, when used in the context of what I described above.
These are my thoughts on this topic! What do you think?